As Americans continue to blur the lines between work and rest, the nation faces its latest crisis—a severe pajama shortage. Retailers report empty shelves where fluffy robes and flannel pants once hung, with industry insiders calling it the “Great Cozy Catastrophe.”
The shortage began subtly, insiders say, as the “Work From Bed” (WFB) movement gained traction. Once a mere whisper in sleepy Slack channels, WFB has erupted into a full-blown lifestyle revolution. Employers, initially hesitant, embraced the trend after studies revealed that employees who work from their beds are 50% more likely to attend virtual meetings, albeit 30% less likely to turn their cameras on.
“Who knew a fitted sheet could double as a project planner?” chuckled Lisa Goodwin, a software developer from San Diego, as she motioned to her ‘spreadsheet’—an actual bedspread covered in Post-it notes.
Retailers are struggling to keep up with the demand. “We’ve seen a 300% increase in sales of anything fleece-lined or with a cartoon print,” said a spokesperson for SleepyTime Apparel. “Our supply chain wasn’t ready for this. We even had to airlift a shipment of emergency slippers!”
Meanwhile, fashion influencers are capitalizing on the trend, launching lines of “business casual pajamas” that feature blazer prints on hoodie materials. “It’s all about looking professional from the waist up,” said influencer-turned-designer Emily Firth. “From the waist down, it’s a pajama party.”
Office furniture manufacturers are also pivoting, replacing ergonomic chairs with luxury bedding. “Why fight the inevitable?” said the CEO of SitNap Workspaces. “Our new line of bed-desks is basically just a nightstand with space for a laptop.”
Government officials are taking the shortage seriously, with the Department of Commerce considering strategic pajama reserves. “We must ensure every American has equal access to comfortable loungewear,” stated the Secretary of Commerce during a press briefing, ironically dressed in a suit jacket paired with duck-patterned pajama bottoms.
As the nation grapples with the implications of living where they work and working where they live, one thing is clear: the pajama market will never be the same. Meanwhile, coffee sales are down, but pillow sales? Skyrocketing.