The ongoing trial of former President Donald Trump took a theatrical turn today when his famous hairpiece was called to the witness stand. Legal experts and fashion critics alike are puzzled over what the toupee might reveal under oath.
As the courtroom drama unfolded, Trump’s hairpiece was granted immunity in exchange for its testimony. The toupee, known for maintaining its composure under extreme conditions, appeared slightly ruffled as it was sworn in, promising to tell “the part, the whole part, and nothing but the part.”
Prosecutors are eager to comb through the details of its statements, hoping it will untangle a web of allegations against the former president. “This hairpiece has been at the scene of every alleged incident,” said the lead prosecutor. “If anyone knows the roots of these issues, it’s this well-coiffed witness.”
Defense attorneys brushed off the testimony as “hairsay,” arguing that relying on synthetic fibers for facts is a stretch. “You cannot trust something that spends that much time hanging by a thread,” said one lawyer, adjusting his own suspiciously perfect hair.
Trump himself seemed unruffled by the proceedings, tweeting, “My hair has always been loyal to me, more than some people I know!” adding, “It’s gonna be HUGE when the truth comes out. Stay tuned!”
Meanwhile, the courtroom sketch artist struggled to capture the essence of the hairpiece, which seemed to have its own aura of mystery. Spectators were seen squinting at the stand, with one whispering, “Is it just me, or does it look like it’s plotting something?”
Whether it will flip and turn on its owner or stay firm remains to be seen. Either way, this case is proving that in American politics, even the hair has a tale to tell.